20 Awful Romantic Comedy Movie Posters

10 – The Wedding Planner

Jennifer Lopez has just fallen for the groom in the wedding she’s planning. Oops! She thinks he’s really dreamy, what with his moss colored sweater and adorable wire-rimmed glasses. Here’s some helpful advice: if a poster and/or DVD cover has “The Best Date Movie of the Year!” written across it, stay the hell away. It’s guaranteed to be a hunk of petrified dog feces.

9 – Music and Lyrics

Hugh must be quite the charmer because Drew is smitten. She’s being all coy by looking down and putting her cheek in her hand, but it’s obvious she wants to ride his throbbing man pole. Meanwhile, he’s playing it cool with his hand gestures and open shirt. This poster makes me want to wash my face with hot coals.

8 – She’s the Man

Relationships are complicated. We get it. The needless writing and shirtless guy spinning a soccer ball is unnecessary. Oh goody, it’s more bold font. The word MAN is vital since Ms. Bynes is pretending to be a guy. The only way you could get me to watch this abomination is if Bynes was involved in a lesbian three-way.

7 – Bride Wars

Don’t get in the way of these gals. They are liable to throwdown at the drop of a bouquet. Or stab one another in the throat with their respective cake knives. Is it just me, or do a lot of these films revolve around weddings? Evidently the only thing chicks care about is marrying the man of their dreams. So much for women’s lib.

6 – Picture Perfect

Looks like we got ourselves one of them love triangles. Who’s it gonna be, Jen? Bacon or Mohr? She’s in deep thought. I don’t want to disturb her. Hey look, it’s another big city romance. Do people in small towns ever fall in love, or do they prefer inbreeding? Anyway, I sure hope Jen follows her heart. Who has a razor blade?

5 – Must Love Dogs

Diane Lane wants to like John Cusack, but only if he loves dogs. John wants to like Diane, but only if she loves dogs. Do they really dig pooches, or are they just pretending so they can bang each other? It’s a mystery inside a riddle wrapped in an enigma. You see how the poster-makers put the dog between the two leads? Brilliant. You can’t teach that. It’s innate.

4 – Saving Silverman

For a second, I thought this was about a giant woman terrorizing poor Jason Biggs. Upon closer inspection, I realized the humongous hand is meant to be symbolic. Biggs has gone and gotten himself involved with a raging bitch. Those are his best pals trying to pull him out from under the thumb of the ball-snipping battle-axe. Clever. Very clever.

3 – Notting Hill

Julia is a big time movie star, hence the enormous image of her big-mouthed mug. Hugh is an ordinary schlub who enjoys wearing corduroy jackets and sensible shoes. They can’t possibly fall for each other, right? Hugh’s douchey facial expression is enraging. I’d like to see him swinging from a knot on top of Notting Hill.

2 – The Break-Up

My absolute fave. The sassy take no guff girl versus the doltish guy with no balls. The duct tape down the middle of the bed adds to the cringe value. Note how the poster seems to imply it’s the guy’s fault. They even persuade you to lean toward Jen by placing “…pick a side” above her head. Meanwhile, Vince is hiding like a kid found guilty of peeking at a nudie magazine. Fair and balanced.

1 – The Ugly Truth

Women love with their brains. Men love with their cocks. How will the two sides live happily ever after without taking a claw hammer to the other’s skull? And we wonder why chicks have unrealistic expectations about love and marriage. Horseshit like this does nothing except simplify relationships down to base stereotypes. The ugly truth is Hollywood doesn’t have an effing clue about anything, which is why everyone there is so screwed up.

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