Casting Couch: The Wizard Of Oz Remake

You know the drill by now. New Line and Warner Bros. are both planning loose remakes of The Wizard of Oz, so we’re going to hypothetically cast this yellow-bricked byotch. Here’s the perfect cast to redeliver the fantasy classic (guessing that they’ll use their brains, ignore this tween obsession, stick to its roots and aim for a dark-yet-funny re-imagining of the tale).

The Cowardly Lion: Zach Galifianakis

The actor taking on this role needs to be funny, often serving as the movie’s biggest source of comic relief. He needs to be chubby. He needs to be cute. But he also needs to be able to pull off kooky and, of course, cowardly. Galifianakis is way more talented than he’s typically had the opportunity to show. The bearded funnyman has the charisma to make us almost forget Bert Lahr ever played this role. If The Hangover was Galifianakis’ coming out party, this would be the film where he takes his career to another level.

The Tin Man: Lee Pace

Pace has already played this role once. Well, close enough. In the criminally underrated Pushing Daisies — which kinda feels like Oz — he played a pie-maker whose touch caused death. Sure, he could bring people back to life, but if he didn’t touch them again in 60 seconds and return them to the afterlife somebody else would die. Oh, and if he decided to let them live anyway, he could never touch them again or they would die. Needless to say, he brings his boyhood crush back to life, falls for her, yet can never touch her. This caused him to basically live heartbroken. If you’ve watched the show, you know he is the Tin Man. He’s just so damn likable you can’t help feel for him. One of the two studios would be wise to cast him in what would surely be his breakout role.

The Scarecrow: Rhys Ifans

If you frequent FlickSided often — and why wouldn’t you? — you might have read how Ifans won me over with his career-defining performance as Howard Marks in Mr. Nice. Even though 99.99% of the world hasn’t seen that film, audiences are no strangers to his work. He can currently be seen in Greenberg, will co-star in the final two Harry Potter installments, and has lent memorable roles to comedies such as Little Nicky and Notting Hill. Ifans can clearly play a character who’s seeking a brain — he’s been doing that most of his career. The spindly Welshman just looks scarecrowish. After picturing Ifans as the Scarecrow, it’s been impossible to see anybody else.

The Wizard of Oz: Gary Oldman

He’s old enough, especially with Hollywood makeup, and would give the Wiz the perfect blend of bullshit, charm and wisdom. This also wouldn’t be the first time we’ve seen him play a wizard, as he took on the role of Sirius Black in the Harry Potter series. I can definitely see Warner Bros. going back to the well with actors it used in that franchise. Regardless, Oldman can do just about anything, so him pulling off an evil-to-jolly arc would be a walk in the park. Well, maybe not, but his performance would make it look like one.

The Wicked Witch of the West: Emily Blunt

Since I started thinking about this post about two weeks ago, something has happened over and over again. Once I stumbled across the perfect actor or actress for each part, I couldn’t even picture anybody else. Up until I thought of Emily Blunt, I was leaning towards Eva Green for this part. Then I thought of Penelope Cruz, probably just because she’s unbelievably sexy when that Latin temper erupts. As much as I like both Cruz and Green, Blunt would be both funnier and more terrifying. I can’t believe it took me so long to think of her. And I also love Helena Bonham Carter, but please refrain from suggesting her in the comments. She shouldn’t have a monopoly on every creepy female role out there in film’s fantasy realm.

Glenda the Good Witch: Rachel McAdams

I can practically hear everybody suggesting names like Cate Blanchett, Kate Winslet, hell, even Kate Bosworth — pick a Kate, any Kate. Anne Hathaway will also be a popular, yet unoriginal, suggestion. But McAdams is my pick. She just has this radiant quality to her that can’t be ignored. She’s also never appeared in a role quite like this, which would make the casting choice feel fresh. At 31, she’s no spring chicken, but you want her to look older than Dorothy and younger than the Wicked Witch. Given who I’ve cast around her, I think she’d fit in well. Who knows, maybe one of the studios will pull a fast one and go with Lady Gaga or something. I never put anything past them nowadays.

Dorothy: Anna Kendrick

You aren’t going to replace Judy Garland (though people will insist with, say, Ellen Page or Natalie Portman). Instead, you have to do what the Batman series did with Heath Ledger’s Joker and go in a completely different direction. Anna Kendrick is an amazing young actress, and one who can definitely play considerably younger than her age (24). That’s especially true given that the rest of this hypothetical cast is older, which would make her appear even younger. Alice in Wonderland and Harry Potter both worked leaning on unknown stars, but why take a chance when you have an amazing actress like Kendrick to go to? I don’t know if any actress deserves a breakout starring role more than Kendrick right now. She’d own as Dorothy. Especially if the rumor is true and, like Alice, they decide to cast an older Dorothy.