In Jonah Hex, Josh Brolin stars as the title’s anti-hero, a Confederate soldier-turned-bounty hunter who, after being convinced by the United States government, looks to stop a madman (John Malkovich) with a weapon capable of destroying the country. Oh, and Megan Fox stars as a prostitute with absolutely no backstory whatsoever.
In another world, Jonah Hex would be an R-rated action extravaganza chock full of hardcore violence that a story such as this deserves. Instead, in this reality, Josh Brolin somehow finds himself in a disjointed 77-minute borefest that is far more laughable than exciting or just plain watchable. To say that this movie is bad is an understatement, but what do you expect with a movie so short? There’s a reason that movies usually clock in at around 90 minutes or more. It is extremely difficult to craft a story – or a good one at least – within such a tight time frame.
The most infuriating part about the length of the movie is the fact that there was plenty of material that was simply brushed over. If you’ve never read the comics (which I haven’t), good luck figuring out what is going on during the cheesy comic book-esque prologue, or the first fifteen minutes in general. Instead of skimming over these fine details – including a very important one that sort of attempts to explain Jonah Hex’s ability to communicate with the dead – how about just showing them?
Length wasn’t the only problem with Jonah Hex, but it certainly starts that slippery slope that leads to a terrible movie. The writing is rushed, with lame one-liners capping off pedestrian fight scenes. I would attempt to joke about Megan Fox’s performance, but her role suffers the most in all of this. Before the final showdown of the movie, she appears in about three scenes, and barely does anything in those. Now, her performance could have been so bad that parts of it had to be cut, which is entirely possible, but she is literally just a prostitute who loves Jonah Hex. There is no explanation as to how the two know each other or why she loves him so much.
It really is too bad that Jonah Hex turned out the way that it did; there were hints that it could have been so much better. With such a good cast, despite whatever reservations you might have towards Megan Fox, it’s amazing that it ended up being so…boring. But with the overall disappointment this entire flock of summer movies have brought on moviegoers, maybe we should have expected this.