10 Things To Do If You Can’t Attend Comic-Con

One of these years I’m going to get off my ass and fly out to San Diego for Comic-Con. I’ve been saying that for a decade and am seemingly no closer to making it happen. Not sure why. I love San Diego, having been there twice before, and while I’m not a card carrying member of the geek squad, I do write about movies, so there’s definitely geek-like qualities swimming around the ol’ bloodstream.

Alas, I will once again be strapped to my laptop monitoring the proceedings from afar. I’m certain countless others share in my plight. And I see no reason why we should be left out of the fun and frivolity. To help ease the pain, I’ve devised a list of ten things us non-attendees can do to feel like we’re part of the action. So, take off your Browncoat and grab a frosty mug of Jawa Juice, ’cause I’m bringing Comic-Con straight into your living room.

10. Have TRON playing on a continuous loop

If you’re like me, you can’t wait to see TRON: Legacy in December. Having the original flick playing nonstop for four consecutive days will not only get you in the mood for the long awaited sequel, but it also sets the tone for your very own Comic-Con home experience.

9. Build a cardboard cutout of Stan Lee

You can’t have a Comic Con without Mr. Marvel himself. Dress up as your favorite superhero and take some pics of you and Stan with your iPhone camera. Then you can grill him with probing questions like, “How much coin did you pocket for selling out to Hollywood?”

8. Glue on a fake George Lucas beard and rewrite the prequels

Every Star Wars nerd from here to Tatooine wants a crack at reworking Lucas’s forgettable prequels. Well, what are you waiting for? Illegally download a copy of Final Draft and get to it. Just be sure to include an obnoxious digital character called Har Har Finks and remember to make the dialog stilted and ridiculous.

7. Buy a sledgehammer and pretend to be Thor

While waiting with baited breath for the Thor movie to be released next summer, why not get a workout or two in by swinging a hammer just like Chris Hemsworth? If it’s not raining outside, hook up the garden hose in your bedroom, because in order to be cool like Thor, you gotta be soaking wet. (Am I the only one who thinks this movie looks really silly?).

6. Grab a pal and dress like Jay and Silent Bob

Kevin Smith is a fixture at every Comic-Con. What better way to pay tribute than donning the garb of his most iconic creations – Jay and Silent Bob. Call up a portly friend, or if you’re the fat one, a skinny chum, and camp out at the nearest convenience store for ten to twelve hours. “Snoochie boochies!”

5. See Inception

Watch it for the first time or watch it again. Then pontificate over what was a dream and what was reality. It’s the perfect complement to any Comic-Con celebration.

4. Say a prayer for The Hobbit films

Will they or won’t they happen? MGM is drowning in debt. The director walked out and no replacement has been found. One of its key actors is preparing to quit. Ugh. It’s been a stormy journey for The Hobbit, and the weather doesn’t appear to clearing.

3. Shoot a scene for J.J. Abrams’ Super 8

If you’ve been privy to the teaser for J.J. Abrams new creature feature Super 8, then you know it’s shot in the same vein as Cloverfield, i.e. with herky jerky handheld video. Hey, you can do that. Just run around at night in the backyard screaming “there’s a monster chasing me!” and record it on your iPhone. And you thought you weren’t a filmmaker.

2. Practice being The Riddler

It seems like a foregone conclusion that Batman 3‘s villain will be The Riddler. And just about every actor in Hollywood has been linked to the role. Why not throw your hat in the ring? All you need is a ugly green suit and some clever puns. Presto! Two days later a internet rumor will circulate that you’re in the running for the part.

1. Watch Cellular and weep that Chris Evans is Captain America

We here at FlickSided are none too pleased about Chris Evans being cast as Captain America. He seems like a nice enough fella, but no way does he fit the Steve Rogers character. Hell, Nathan Fillion is Canadian and he’d still make a better Cap.