It may seem like I’m on a crusade to trash M. Night Shyamalan whenever possible. That’s because I am. The guy is a filmmaking hack who deserves to be banished to direct episodes of a vacuous MTV reality series. At the very least he should be forced to helm a ridiculous pitch by some wannabe director who was bold enough to post his idea on YouTube for the world to point and laugh at.
As it happens, the Tribeca Film Festival and American Express have combined resources to hold a “My Movie Pitch” contest where aspiring writers and directors have one minute to pitch their best idea for a flick. The winner will receive money to help get the ball rolling. It’s a foolhardy premise ripe for ridicule, but it’s also an excellent source for comedy. (By the by, I would have pitched my Chutes and Ladder movie if I knew about the contest. Fiddlesticks!)
The wonderful people over at Asylum took the liberty to dig up some of the worst pitches they could find. And boy did they unearth some beauties. After watching them all, I selected one that I think has M. Night written all over it. It’s called “The Waterhands.” Have a listen:
Okay, it’s about water, and a guy named Hydro and something called a “Slimefoot.” Brilliant. M. Night loves water. In fact, he can’t get enough of the stuff. Remember it was water that killed the aliens in Signs and who can forget The Lady in the Water, and of course the Water Nation in The Last Airbender. I call this a match made in heaven, if that heaven was constructed of water. LOL!
In addition, there are planets and asteroids and Niagara Falls. If anyone can make sense of this gobbledygook, it’s Shyamalan. Slap an implausible twist on the end and we got ourselves a bona fide hunk of sh*t worthy of a summer release. Who do I know with clout to make this happen? Oh, right, nobody. Rats!