Movie Review: The Kids Are All Right

Last week, a federal judge in Massachusetts struck down Section 3 of the controversial Defense of Marriage Act, declaring it unconstitutional. If upheld on appeal, the ruling could eliminate the federal government’s ability to deny full marriage rights to same-sex couples who are legally married in states which allow for it – no state would be required to allow gay marriage, the federal government just has to comply with the few that do.

On the other side of the country, US District Judge Vaughn Walker is expected to rule soon on Perry v. Schwarzenegger, the federal challenge to the constitutionality of Proposition 8 – the hotly contested ballot measure which stripped same-sex couples in California of their marriage rights last November. Unlike the DOMA case in Massachusetts, if Walker overturns Proposition 8 – and it’s upheld on appeal – it is likely that all state laws banning same-sex marriage would be deemed unconstitutional and gay marriages would become legal nationwide.

Though marriages between two men or two women are currently controversial and uncommon, there are already quite a few families built around homosexual unions. Through adoption, surrogacy and artificial insemination, gay couples are able to start families and raise children, just like their heterosexual counterparts. If gay marriage is made legal, these families may soon begin popping up in neighborhoods across the nation – perhaps even in your small suburban town.

Lisa Cholodenko’s new film, The Kids Are All Right, centers on one of these so-called unconventional families. Nic (Annette Bening) and Jules (Julianne Moore) are a lesbian couple with two children, Joni (Mia Wasikowska) and Laser (Josh Hutcherson), who were conceived through artificial insemination. When Joni turns eighteen, Laser convinces her to contact the sperm bank so that he may meet their biological father – he’d do it himself, but at fifteen he would need permission from his moms, from whom he hopes to keep this a secret. Though reluctant at first, Joni makes the call and the two schedule a meeting with their donor, Paul (Mark Ruffalo).

The Kids Are All Right is a funny, yet poignant look into the dynamics of an all-American gay couple. Moore and Bening are cast perfectly, their chemistry together is unmatched – both delivering award-worthy performances. Wasikowska, Hutcherson and Ruffalo round out the cast nicely, proving they are worthy of their roles alongside the two Oscar-nominees. They really do feel like a family.

Cholodenko paces her story well, competently balancing comedic beats with dramatic punches. Her message, while heavy at times, never weighs down her movie; she is able to insert laughs at all the right moments. She has crafted a film which can be enjoyed as a crowd-pleasing escape, but is better when read for its moral gravity.

In an effort to prove critics wrong, Cholodenko (a lesbian who has a son whom her and her partner conceived through an anonymous sperm donation) could have depicted a perfect, happy couple with perfect, happy children who spend their lives being perfect and happy together. She then could introduce Paul into the mix, whose presence should disrupt the perfection, and show how progressive and accepting the two lesbians are as they welcome him into their home and foster his relationship with their children. She could have proven that gay couples, through their struggles for acceptance, have learned to overcome any obstacle they face; their relationships are actually better and stronger than those of straight couples.

Instead, The Kids Are All Right achieves something far more extraordinary: it provides audiences with a portrait of a family that is far from perfect. Jules and Nic have the same problems every other established married couple has. They struggle to connect with their eldest, who is preparing to leave for college by disconnecting from and rebelling against her parents. They don’t approve of some of their son’s friends, but have trouble figuring out the best way to handle the situation. Like all couples, after time, they become a bit too comfortable in their relationship with each other, sometimes failing to adequately express their love for one another. And, as any parents probably would be, they are made uneasy by Paul’s intrusion into their family. They want to support their children, of course, but can’t help but feel threatened, and their response is far from perfect.

Cholodenko allows her characters to exist in the real world. They have real feelings and make real mistakes. Relationships and families are hard to keep in line, and The Kids Are All Right doesn’t turn its back on that reality. Jules and Nic should be the poster-couple for non-traditional marriage, not because their relationship is perfect, but because it’s imperfect. The only way to achieve equality is by proving that gay couples, when you really get down to it, have far more similarities to straight couples than they do differences.