Blockbuster Video Obituary
ALL ACROSS AMERICA – Farewell to Blockbuster, the former video and DVD monopoly that reportedly left thousands homeless thanks to its ridiculous late fees and new release rates. The movie rental staple is apparently on the verge of bankruptcy, and it appears that nobody is about to throw them a life preserver anytime soon.
Farewell to the company that once charged my brother and I (read: our dad) $177.64 for a late copy of House Party 2, inspiring the two of us — roughly 11 and 9 at the time — to rename the ruthless home video superpower “Cockbuster.” Only Pizza Hut and Taco Bell (Pizza Slut and Toxic Hell) earned more derogatory names during our childhood. The only blue-and-gold entity that’s ever even approached being that overrated is the Michigan football team. That’s not counting Spencer Pratt, who’s gotten his ass beat and pissed himself on many occasions. Back when I was in college, I actually remember answering the phone and hearing a girl’s voice and praying that she said “I’m three weeks late” instead of “Rounders is three weeks late.” Nobody stalks like Blockbuster used to — not even Buzzsaw, Dynamo and Professor Subzero.
Many Americans well forever hate the Miami Dolphins, because the scumbag who first owned Blockbuster also used to own that team. Thanks a lot, Wayne Huizanga. Ray Finkle is my hero. Your company put pockmarks on our credit reports that were reminiscent of the ones that fill your Noriegaesque cheeks. Was it really that big of a deal that Deep Blue Sea was eight measly days overdue? You should have paid me for renting that piece of garbage, not vice versa. Hell, some of my exes still had dozens of my movies when we split and I just let it go. Your company makes more used to make more in one hour than I’ll probably make in my entire life. Nonetheless, you made your fortune going after each late rental like you were Gollum pursuing the Precious.
Perhaps the reason why most of us will enjoy your inevitable death is because there wasn’t an original bone in your business. Your original model was just to take the existing DVD rental store concept and simply provide more of everything. More space, more copies, more expensive and most of all more late fees. The only things you didn’t provide more of were foreign titles and satisfied customers. I once asked a clerk if they had a foreign section and the employee responded, “I think we have Brazil and Casablanca in stock.” After Netflix realized that people were desperately seeking a Blockbuster alternative and capitalized on the huge potential of DVDs via mail, you ripped them off. Unsuccessfully, I might add. Then Redbox came along and perfected the DVD kiosk and now you’ve attempted to jack their concept as well. It’s so sad that you’ll have installed roughly just over half the DVD rental machines you expected to this year by the time 2010 wraps up. Since you’ve ripped off essentially everyone, we’ll just go ahead and return the favor by ripping off the toe tag before you’re buried six feet under.
Although our hearts will forget you tomorrow, our buttholes will never forget you. I don’t think one of your videotapes — shoved in sideways like our arses were VCR slots, mind you — could have stretched our O-rings out as much as you did with your late fees. Hopefully, your death will not be in vain, and future companies hoping to monopolize a lucrative niche industry by raping decent, hard-working Americans will think twice about doing so. We were simply looking for entertainment. If we wanted to get ripped off we could have filled that void at home by calling the Home Shopping Channel. There was also Hubert the door-to-door vacuum salesman. At least he was struggling to eat and had an excuse.
Good riddance, Blockbuster. You were a yellow company that made millions of us feel blue. Most of us won’t come to the open casket wake you are currently holding at the locations you haven’t yet closed. We might throw a party, however, when the casket is finally slammed shut. Entertainment will of course be provided by Netflix.
P.S. – Netflix, I love you, but if you don’t start giving waiting list priority to the people who actually pay the most instead of the least, we are going to have a problem, too.
So you fail to bring back a movie and you blame the company for charging you late fees? Do you also blame the cop when you get stopped for speeding or your parents for not loving you when you are an entitled little prick?
Grow up.
The commenter known only as “What?” clearly has their head so far up their ass that their eyes are somehow behind their teeth. Why don’t you, “What?” tell us what an acceptable late fee is for a movie rental house?
In my hometown, Granite City, IL, there was Dave’s Movies and More where any late rental was subject to a few cents in late fees versus Blockbuster’s massive fuck-load of fees added to each day. Dave’s would contact if you had the movie late for over a week and offer to sell you the movie at full retail price if you couldn’t return it and pay the fee as well as canceling your membership.
Blockbuster was a giant flaming turd.
Also, speeding tickets and parental love not only have ZERO in common with each other, neither has a single thing to do with late fees from Blockbuster video. Next time you want to compare things, try to compare COMPARABLE things you insane fucktard.
Grow up, fuck knuckle.
hahaha…i love you Curtis. I think What? is a pimply turd that works at the last remaining open blockbuster…
who are you kidding, he’s the CEO.
Dear: What? Fuck off. This beautiful prose deserves an amen, and three convulsing women wearing hats being filled with the holy spirit. Blockbuster is an unethical fuckjob of a company that I will celebrate the demise of. The mom & pop video stores used to give you a call, and usually write off the late fees because they valued your business, and hey, no harm done, people are busy and grabbing that video is easily forgotten. But Blockbuster, being the cold bitch of a big chain franchise fucked the mom & pops out of town. They started hiring any asshole that could man a register which did away with that personal touch of recommending new interesting films since the extent of register boys’ film knowledge went from movies with tits, to movies based off of moronic video games. Fuck off, I have things to do, something came up, didn’t get to watch the film I paid an outrageous sum for – it’s going to be late – suck my balls. In the end it would have been cheaper to buy the fucking movie.
Oh, let’s not forget, the collections department. What a fucking mind bender that is. I rented a film in Wichita Falls Texas, returned it past whatever arbitrary doomsday time they cooked up. I consider that returned. It’s not midnight, it’s in. No, I accrue a buck fifty in late fees. I move to Illinois and somehow they’ve paid for intel on my new address, and sent a letter. Fuck you. They sent more letters. The cunts put about $100 into trying to collect $1.50 for a movie I returned. I didn’t even steal it, they had the movie, renting it out to some other poor sucker. Genius business decision.
Sit on a cock with your ballsack of comparisons. Speeding is breaking a fucking law, yeah fuck the cop that gives it to me, but in the end it’s for safety and the prevention of your brains being on the wrong side of your skull you fuckstick. Speed enforcement isn’t a customer service industry. Get bent. And Adam Best may have mommy issues, and he may be prick, I don’t know the dude, but he’s a prick with a point. Blockbuster deserves every bit of shit they get. Sooner or later businesses are going to need to learn that the only industries that can get away with fucking customers are insurance companies, and banks. I’d be first in line to piss on blockbusters rotting corpse.
So why the fuck am I writing this novel? I’m sick of this defending of indefensible business practices. I’m a proud customer of Netflix, and in a pinch Redbox. Netflix is the posterboy of a customer-centric company. A place that wants your money should make it a pleasure for you to give it to them. It shouldn’t be obtained with a goddamn arrest warrant. In the rare occasion my phone bill with AT and fucking T is late, I contemplate paying it at all, sure the phone works, but the company is a collective bastard child of satan. But, when my replacement card came from my credit union (fuck banks) because the old one expired, and Netflix gently reminded me they had problems with my card; I rushed to my computer to give them the details. I WANT to pay for their service. They’re good to me, and I want to be good to them. What a novel business approach. Oh, when I lost “Snatch” which was completely my fault, I told them, which they essentially replied with “ah, fuck it, no big deal, shit happens”. That’s the shit that makes a customer a loyal customer.
So, What?, fuck you and your chickenshit, holier-than-thou, speeding ticket defense.
Amen.
I have the same opinion as what?, this blog sucks horrendous anus, as does the author’s opinions. I can’t wait for the internet to replace big media/telco, but you don’t have to be a whiny bitch about it.
Also, stop advertising on reddit, you dumb bunch of cunts.
I’m the OP, and I’m not sure who copied and pasted my comment from Reddit, but since you guys are so irritated by my comment, I’ll reply.
You’re only seeing things from the point of the consumer, not from the business owner. Well, I am a business owner, so I have a different perspective.
This is a 100% avoidable fee. Return the movie. You think the late charges are too high, well, don’t keep the movie past the date you committed to returning it.
How many times in the past have you been to a video store and wanted a movie, but the damned thing was always out. What do you do if you really want to see it? Well, you go somewhere else. So the business loses you as a customer, not for one video, but possibly for many. So the cost is not just one rental. It’s a rental times the number of days that they were unable to rent it to someone else, plus the cost to replace it, plus the cost to get a new one shipped to the location, plus the cost to stock it, plus the lost customer base, plus the ancillary revenue such as popcorn, candy, other movies that a customer might have bought when they were there, etc, etc, etc.
But even if the cost is truly ridiculous, let’s say that Blockbuster knew that a certain percentage of people would always return the movie late. They have charts and graphs and someone with a green visor who calculates all this and based on this information, prices out all of the services of Blockbuster. You have staffing costs, building rental, staffing costs, buildout costs (how much it costs to put up a counter, etc.), computers, and let’s not forget the cost to chase you down for that buck fifty. Think about it: Would anyone actually return the movie if they knew they didn’t really have to pay the late fee? Maybe eventually, but they’d be in no hurry.
So to keep movies in the store and to service the most customers they can, they charge these crazy late fees. And yeah, they’re crazy. But when you’re running a business, the only customers you want are the profitable ones. So people who keep movies for weeks and deprive you of revenue are ones you don’t want. What better way to keep them from continuing to hurt your business than to hit them with high rental charges? Instead of them coming in, renting a movie for 2.50 and never returning it, they stay the fuck away.
So the moral high ground that most of you seem to take is that the charges are crazy and it’s just not fair. Well, fucking over a business that’s trying to provide a service isn’t fair either. So either bring the movie back on time and let other people enjoy it, or pay the late fee so the business is able to keep their doors open.
Man the fuck up and take some goddam personal responsibility.
just awesome. so well done. and for all that are getting bent out of shape, chill. sarcasm is your friend.
It’s cowardly to show lack of responsibility on your part then blame it on the store. Grow up and quit wasting internet space complaining about something you could have prevented. I’ve been a loyal Blockbuster customer for years. Screw Red Box, their stupid box errors caused me to get charged even after I returned my movie. And guess what? No one was there to resolve the issue. I love to browse, the customer service is great and I will continue shopping there!
[...] Blockbuster Video Obituary | FlickSidedALL ACROSS AMERICA – Farewell to Blockbuster, the former video and DVD monopoly that reportedly left thousands homeless thanks to its ridiculous late fees and new release rates. … Farewell to the company that once charged my brother and I (read: our dad) $177.64 for a late copy of House Party … Natasha Bettingfield says: Uncategorized by admin [...]