Ten Reasons To Buy A Copy Of Killers On DVD

One of the summer’s first flops arrives on DVD today. That would be the rom-com action hybrid Killers, starring Hollywood’s number one MILF hunter, Ashton Kutcher, and Hollywood’s number one whiny bitch, Katherine Heigl. (To be fair, Heigl might not be numero uno, but she’s definitely in the top five.)

Just in case you missed Killers the first time around, here’s your chance to bask in all its awesomeness for the low, low price of $16.99 at select retail outlets. Don’t waste all those hard-earned pennies on beer or pizza. Not when you can own your very own copy of cinema gold. Trust me on this one.

Now, you might be a tad skeptical. Maybe you think this movie is a steaming turd. Perhaps you loathe Kutcher and Heigl to such a degree that you would rather dip your tongue in battery acid than sit through Killers. Hey, I get it, I really do. However, I’m here to ease your worries. Here are ten perfectly sound reasons to buy Killers on DVD.

10. Two words: Katheryn Winnick

She plays Kutcher’s secretary and she’s smokin’ hot.

9. DVDs make great coasters

I’m currently using a Godzilla DVD to place my cups on. It was an impulse buy. Okay, I was high.

8. Play a drinking game

Every time you see a gun, take a drink. You won’t get Ah-nuld movie sh*tfaced, but plan on a nice buzz.

7. It can help relieve tension

Got some pent-up rage? Take a hammer to the DVD. You’ll feel 100% better.

6. Kutcher’s abs

This one’s for the ladies. He’s no Taylor Lautner, but I’m sure Demi isn’t complaining.

5. Target practice

Gun enthusiasts take note. Romantic comedy DVDs make excellent targets. Enjoy.

4. You’ll help the sagging economy

Increased consumer spending is vital to a healthy economy. Never mind. That’s a bullsh*t reason.

3. Laugh at Heigl’s freaky eyes

Her peepers are too far apart. The left one looks like it’s trying to crawl off her face.

2. You love bad movies

For those who really dig on crap, Killers will make a nice addition to the library.

1. It might get you laid

Chances are your chick watches Grey’s Anatomy. Which means she’s probably a Heigl fan. Spring for a surprise gift and you could get some ass. Unless she’s a frigid @#%$.