Noah, the Year of Christian Film, and a Russell Crowe Twitter Flood

Russell Crowe as Noah

MMXIV Paramount Pictures Corporation and Regency Entertainment

Yes kids, your father has gone insane.

When it comes to Christian films it’s basically The Passion of the Christ (made $370 million, US) the only 3 films of the 7 books of the Narnia series ($537 million, US) and not even “everyone else;” there hardly is an “everyone else”.

But this looks to be an anomaly of a year, in what’s been a horrendous one for film thus far, has already been historic for a legitimizing “sub-genre” in Christian film. Opening last weekend on only 780 screens, God’s Not Dead, has grossed $10 million domestically–already good for 15th on this Christian box office list I just discovered (so handy).

The other biblically-based film 0f 2014, Son of God, featuring Jesus as a sexy Portuguese supermodel (just kidding, as a carpenter, right?) opened in February and has brought in over $55 million, half of that on opening weekend. That’s good for fifth behind The Passion of the Christ and each The Chroni-c-c-les of Narnia film.

So what’s next in 2014? The Great Flood of course.


evan almighty llamas

The one true Noah.

Steve Carrell and Morgan Freeman won’t be joining us for Evan Almighty: God Decided to Flood the Earth Again, but this weekend marks the release of Darren Aronofsky’s highly-anticipated, Noah film.

2014’s Noah stands apart from Passion, the Narnia films, and the previously released Christian movies of the year in that it is not necessarily solely motivated by evangelism or spreading Biblical teachings, but, primarily–to be an entertaining, money-making movie. At least, that seems to be all that the doctor ordered.





The original news that Aronofsky, director of Black Swan, Requiem for a Dream, The Wrestler, The Fountain, and Pi (on and on) would be putting out a film about the story of Noah was…..surprising. Aronofsky has made some incredible movies, some incredibly disturbing movies, and some personal favorites (he made the mother of a ballerina one of the more unsettling characters in my recent memory–impressive.)

But what with a biblical story, something so starkly divergent from his past work, and with a perceived market unfamiliar with it), what kind of portrayal will this be, and what exactly is the target audience?


One would imagine that Aronofsky and company would hope to reel in:


A) Religious fans

B) Russell Crowe fans

C) Aronofsky fans

D) Emma Watson/Logan Lerman fans–The Perks of Being Noah’s Kids?


These groups don’t exactly mix now do they? I don’t exactly see a church youth group, gang of Crossfit meatheads, and…. , a band of liberal arts’ millenials and recreational drug users, and Hogwarts students, being the “types” in attendance at the same film.

There in lies the dilemma that is Noah and the polarization of films with religious themes.

And here enters Russell Crowe on his shining white Twitter horse.



If you happened to see Russell Crowe as Javert in Les Misérables, or were one of the 5 people unfortunate enough to see Winter’s Tale, you may be of the mindset, like me (unabashedly so) that Russell Crowe is on an undeniable down skid in his acting/bad-accenting/body-building career. South Park called it long before I did. Trey Stone and Matt Parker really know what they’re doing. (Yes, Gladiator‘s awesome, but, it was 14 years ago!!)

After hearing Russell Crowe sing and following him on Twitter, I can safely say that Russell Crowe may have completely out-douched himself this time, making the thought of actually seeing Noah completely unbearable to many in a previously undecided crowd.

Even with the barrage of Twitter advertising directed at Pope Francis and whoever else is on the Twittersphere, Pope Francis did not screen the film, nor but did kind of/sort of meet Crowe and some of the Noah entourage.. along with half of Vatican City.


Emma Watson and Anthony Hopkins

Niko Tavernise – © MMXIV Paramount Pictures Corporation and Regency Entertainment

You’re a witch Hermione. And apparently, so am I (Anthony Hopkins whaaaaaaa?)


It’s all your fault Russell. You ruined Twitter.


So this Friday, Noah will combine a fascinatingly bizarre cast of stars, a talented director, a typical bulky production cost, one of the most well-known biblical stories (or any story) in history, and of course–white people playing what should be…ya know, not white people, to draw people to the theater.

What will be the final result–Lots of old bridge ladies chatting about how handsome those young Bible men were in that film they saw after Church brunch! Oh, the financial final result?

An uneducated guess… going with a narrow first place finish over Divergent, seeing Noah reel in around $38 million, finishing well behind Divergent and The Lego Movie for the highest openings of the year.

Share your thoughts on Noah, Crowe, religious film, how stunning Emma Watson is, whatever, below–or on Twitter.

['Noah' Trailer]

Tags: Anthony Hopkins Darren Aronofsky Emma Watson Evan Almighty Film Jennifer Connelly Movies Noah Opening Weekend Pope Francis Russell Crowe Steve Carrell Twitter

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