As we all know, the difference between reality and movies and TV couldn’t be any more extreme. Brad Pitt as Oakland A’s GM Billy Beane? Cate Blanchett as Bob Dylan? Joan Allen as Georgia O’Keefe? Clearly, nothing blurs reality more than the hit Netflix show House of Cards starring Kevin Spacey. The series is set in present day Washington DC. It tells the story of Representative Frank Underwood, the House Majority Whip who, after being passed over for an appointment as Secretary of State, initiates an elaborate plan to get himself into a position of power. His loyal and equally ruthless wife Claire assists him in this endeavor. The series is about ruthless pragmatism, manipulation, power, and doing bad things for the greater good. Here is where House of Cards begins to lose touch with reality and, to a great extent, plagiarizes the life of the distinguished representative from the great state of Ohio John Boehner.
The coincidence between Spacey’s Underwood and Boehner are astounding.
If we were to turn Boehner’s life into a series, it would no doubt open with Boehner displaying his ruthless practicality by killing a bill with his bare hands while explaining to the audience there are times when someone is required to do something unpleasant, like the time he had to see Mitch McConnell in a tight pair of shorts. After securing the election 0f Barack Obama by gross incompetence and do nothing leadership, Boehner is devastated to learn that Obama may try to do some good as president. Seething inside, Boehner tries to gain control of his apathy and forget the mental picture of Mitch McConnell in shorts, which has been seared into his brain. He hires a five year old to formulate an elaborate plan to regain the power he lost. One wasn’t available so he got Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal to do it instead. Boehner begins a highly intricate plan to d0 nothing, acquiring likeminded individuals to collect a paycheck and do nothing in return. Producers had to fill out the rest of the season with commercials. Whereas Frank Underwood in House of Cards maneuvered through an intricate political coup d’état, John Boehner brought a lawsuit against Mother Teresa for creating a welfare state and that was the end of season one.
Season two begins with John Boehner on the verge of having to pass a bill. Mitch McConnell, in the process of tapping Angela Merkel’s cell phone because he thinks she has a sexy voice, saves the day by turning out the lights in the capitol building and the government is plunged into disarray. McConnell accidentally drops the phone in the toilet while trying to listen to Merkel’s voicemail. A NSA hacker, also trying to get into Merkel’s voicemail, stumbles across footage of McConnell turning out the lights. Boehner, the quick thinker, yells “Edward Snowden!” and the FBI arrests the hacker. Mother Teresa countersues Boehner and Mitch McConnell goes on record blaming Barack Obama for everything including The Great Depression.
John Boehner, meanwhile, lures a page boy to the DC Metro Station and chucks the entire legislative agenda in front of a moving train. He goes home and dreams of being sworn in as President, but that would involve doing something and Boehner is adamantly opposed to that. Thus, the series ends.