A daily wrap of the dumbest stories coming out of Hollywood.

• There’s a new trailer for one of the 143 upcoming alien invasion movies. This one has something to do with a hypnotic blue light, running, war, mass hysteria, etc., etc. Might as well save your pennies and just watch Independence Day again. (Film Drunk)

• They are making a movie based on the video game MYST. Great news. I’ve been missing 1995 like crazy. (Screen Junkies)

• James Franco is writing, directing and starring in an adaptation of The Adderall Diaries. It’s about a drug-addicted sex maniac who was abused as a child. I love a good Lifetime movie. (Moviefone)

• Dwayne Johnson, aka The Rock, is rumored to be playing Sinbad in a new version of Arabian Nights. I sure hope this doesn’t delay the sequel to Tooth Fairy because that would really suck. (Cinema Blend)

• Jersey Shore’s Snookie has signed a deal to write a book titled A Shore Thing. I was under the impression illiterate people couldn’t write, but I must be mistaken. (Pajiba)

• Michael Caine revealed the meaning behind the ending to Inception. Thanks for ruining it for those of us who wanted it left open-ended, dick. You are a piece of sh*t, Michael Caine! I hope you– Oh, wait. I already knew what the ending meant. Never mind. (Screen Rant)

A daily wrap of the dumbest stories coming out of Hollywood.

• David O. Russell might direct the Jim Carrey comedy Under Cover. Should be loads of laughs since Carrey hasn’t made a funny movie in over a decade. (Screen Junkies)

• FOX announced the new judges for American Idol. They went with two women: Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler. (Deadline)

• Rooney Mara wasn’t severely injured on the set of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo remake. We now return to your regular scheduled program. (Cinematical)

• Facebook creator Mark Zuckerberg was spotted at a screening for The Social Network. No he wasn’t. Yes he was. No he wasn’t. Yes he was. (/Film)

• Marvel is going to make a Black Widow movie. Thank the heavens. It’s been like a week since I last heard about a new superhero flick. I was getting nervous. (The Playlist)

• Legendary Pictures is planning to resurrect Godzilla. The Cloverfield monster just called. It wants everyone to know New York City has already been destroyed. (Pajiba)

A daily wrap of the dumbest stories coming out of Hollywood.

• Joel Schumacher is directing The Barry White Story, which is supposedly about a nerd who gets seduction advice from the ghost of Barry White. I wish I was kidding. Sadly, I’m not. (Pajiba)

• The chick from The Lovely Bones has been cast to play a teenage assassin in Violet and Daisy. Because watching tiny teenage girls murder and beat the piss out of men is fun and realistic. (Cinematical)

• Taking time out of his busy schedule of lighting Cuban cigars with hundred-dollar bills and staring at himself lovingly in the mirror, writer/director/humanitarian/demigod James Cameron is working on a TV series based on his ’90s spy flick True Lies. James Cameron needs to go away. (MTV Movies Blog)

• Mad Men‘s Jon Hamm could be the next Superman. Isn’t he like 39? Ah, who cares? The movie will suck anyway. (Screen Junkies)

• Ooooh goody, more rumors about The Hobbit and James Bond 23 that are probably bullsh*t. These never get old. (/Film)

• Gael Garcia Bernal is starring in a disease of the week rom-com with Kate Hudson. That *snipping* sound you hear is Gael’s testicles being removed with a pair of garden shears. (Film Drunk)

A daily wrap of the dumbest stories coming out of Hollywood.

• Hillary Duff had a script labeled “Spiderman” on her kitchen table. A role called “girl” was highlighted. Reason #325 not to see the pointless Spider-Man reboot. (Latino Review)

• Ridley Scott keeps yapping about the Alien prequels that will most likely never happen. Until something official is announced, like say a production start date, we are ignoring all of his ramblings. (Cinema Blend)

• Director Jan de Bont wants to make a live-action version of Mulan. The only thing Jan de Bont should be allowed to direct is a thirty-second commercial for a used car dealership. (/Film)

• Amy Poehler will host the season premiere of Saturday Night Live. I haven’t watched SNL since 1998 and based on the ratings the last few years, it’s pretty clear I’m not the only one. (Deadline)

• M. Night Shyamalan is planning to further fu*k up his fading career by writing and directing a sequel to Unbreakable. Evidently he’s still under the impression he’s not an overrated hack. (Hollywood)

• James Cameron is going to shoot a 3D documentary on the Xingu River tribes of the Amazon. Why? Because James Cameron is a selfless humanitarian who cares about every living creature on the planet, that’s why. (FilmDrunk)

A daily wrap of the dumbest stories coming out of Hollywood.

• Harvey Keitel might replace Steve Carell on The Office. Strange. I thought The Office was canceled two years ago, and isn’t Harvey Keitel dead? (Screen Junkies)

• Darren Aronofsky bailed on the ill-conceived RoboCop 3D reboot due to MGM’s financial crisis. Yawn. We knew this like a year ago. (JoBlo)

• Hey, there’s another casting announcement for the new Final Destination fiasco. In other news, my dog ate his own sh*t today. (Cinema Blend)

• Goody, goody, gumdrops! There are pictures of Rihanna dressed in fatigues from the set of Battleship. A movie based on a board game starring a female pop-star sounds like a cruel hoax, but sadly it isn’t. (Cinematical)

• A new trailer for Ryan Reynolds’ Buried has been released. Not to spoil it for ya, but he’s still trapped in the coffin. (FilmDrunk)

• The birth scene in Twilight: Breaking Dawn will be as intense as it was in the book. Praise, Jesus! I was prepared to have the Bella ♥ Edward tattoo removed from my ass if the filmmakers fuc*ed it up. (Moviefone)

• A producer from Piranha 3D is pissed off about something James Cameron said. Shocker. My morning dump would make for a more interesting topic of conversation. (Film Drunk)

• Shaquille O’Neal has been cast in Adam Sandler’s next piece of cinema garbage called Jack & Jill. Sounds like a perfect match. Both guys are no longer relevant. (Screen Junkies)

• The bald sports guy from Anchorman is set to join the latest Final Destination fiasco. Funny guy in a horror flick. How original. What’s next — a chick with big t*ts? (Pajiba)

• Blah blah Stephen Moyer from True Blood blah blah something to do with Fantastic Four blah blah I don’t give a fu*k about pointless superhero movies blah blah. (The Playlist)

• The Hellraiser remake is in jeopardy. Good. Nobody wants to see it anyway. (Cinematical)

• Ohhhh, will ya look at that… pretty pictures from the set of Steven Spielberg’s War Horse. There’s a guy on a horse, and another guy with his hands in his pockets, and another… ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ… (/Film)

I’m guessing Hollywood screenwriters read a lot of comic books and play a bunch of video games. I’m also guessing it’s not by choice. I envision a well-dressed douchebag studio exec pacing behind a massive glass desk, Blackberry in hand, shouting sentence fragments, while a grizzled screenwriter slumps in a leather chair frantically taking notes.

Studio exec: “One word: carjacking. You follow?”

Screenwriter: “Yeah, yeah, gotcha.”

Studio exec: “It’s hip, it’s now, it’s edgy.”

Screenwriter: “Uh, huh.”

Studio exec: “Think Grand Theft Auto meets Panic Room.”

Screenwriter: “Right, okay.”

Studio exec: “Great! Make it happen.”

Scene. According to The Wrap, Stephen Dorff is in negotiations to join Maria Bello in an upcoming thriller called Carjacked. Bello will play a MILF who, along with her kid, ends up getting jacked by a thief. Intense drama ensues, allegedly.

Dorff’s famous for playing a vampire. Bello is known to get naked for roles. Hmm. I’m thinking about a flick where a vampire carjacks a nudist. You follow?

AMPAS, or The Academy, loves to hand out Oscars to elderly folks deemed unworthy of receiving one when they were in their prime. They call it an honorary Oscar, but it’s basically a belated apology given to great artists before they die. A couple days ago, 79-year-old French auteur Jean-Luc Godard was pegged to receive one of these better late than never statues at the Governors Awards in November. One small problem: the Academy can’t find Godard (via THR).

“We’ve been attempting to reach him since 7 o’clock Tuesday evening and we have as yet had no confirmation,” Bruce Davis, the Academy’s executive director, said late Wednesday afternoon. “We have tried by telephone, by fax, by emails to various friends and associates. We have sent a formal letter by FedEx. But we have certainly not been told he will show up at this point.”

To the Mystery Machine! Is he holed up in a secluded hideout? Is he blowing the Academy off? Is he dead? Nobody, except Godard, seems to know, but I’m picturing him dropping his pants and shaking his pasty white old man butt at the answering machine while shouting, “Je m’en fou!” (Look it up, it’s naughty.)

C’mon, the guy can’t stand the Hollywood machine and evidently isn’t fond of flying either. Methinks he has no intention of accepting the little gold man. Or maybe his cold dead corpse is slowly decomposing on the dirty bathroom floor of a seedy Swiss motel. Tee-hee.

Please make it stop. Marvel Studios has hired screenwriter Rich Wilkes, the brilliant mind behind the dreadfully stupid xXx, to pen a flick based on some supe named Iron Fist. I have no idea who the fu*k that is, but thankfully the investigative nerds at Deadline do:

[Iron Fist is] a martial arts expert whose battle with a dragon–ended when he plunged his hands through the beast’s molten heart–turned his fists into indestructible weapons.

Damn. Not only did the guy slay a dragon, but he got a lethal pair of hands out of the deal. Hmm… I see Jaden Smith as Iron Fist. I mean he was oh so dangerous in The Karate Kid reboot and best of all he’s got a little something called “attitude.” It’s a match made in ridiculous superhero movie heaven.

As for Wilkes, well, he did write such comedy classics as Airheads, The Stoned Age and The Jerky Boys, which means we can expect one thing for certain: Iron Fist’s hobbies will include getting high and placing prank calls. Fantastic.

I was skeptical when I first started writing this post, but I’ve done a 180. An Iron Fist movie might be the greatest superhero sensation since The Dark Knight. Eat that Christopher Nolan!

We are huge fans of Anthony Mackie here at FlickSided. The guy has been killing it for years so it comes as no surprise that Tom Cruise and director Brad Bird are considering him for the role of Ethan Hunt’s spy buddy in Mission: Impossible 4. Via Deadline, Mackie and two others have already been tested.

While I think the Mission franchise has run out of steam, casting an actor as talented as Mackie could provide a needed jump-start. In addition to last year’s breakout part in the Oscar-winning The Hurt Locker, Mackie has delivered solid performances in Notorious, We Are Marshall, Half Nelson and Brother to Brother.

Of course, at this point all we’re talking about is a rumored audition. That being said, I think Bird and Cruise would be loco not to go with Mackie. I can’t think of a better choice to play a kick-ass secret agent.